Most of my work is with couples who feel stuck. I also coach individuals, including a husband or wife who wants to start before their spouse is ready.
For couples who are stuck but not in crisis and want to work through things together.
About 15 years into our own marriage, a counselor asked my wife and me to imagine we were both on the same side of the table, facing the problem together instead of facing each other. I still build my work with couples around that picture. We look at what keeps pushing you to opposite sides and practice new ways of talking about hard things.
Keep having the same argument? Try The Same Fight, a three-minute self-check. Couples sessions run 75 minutes so both of you have room to be heard. See couples fees. Parents and families are welcome too; just mention it in your Q&A.
Often one spouse reaches out first, and that’s a fine place to begin.
In individual sessions we look at your side of the pattern: how the conflict usually starts and how you tend to respond. Then we work on the parts you can change, and on how to invite your spouse in without pressure.
Changes on one side often change how the other person responds, too. Some spouses decide to join later.
These are individual sessions, at individual rates.
One-on-one coaching for personal challenges that affect how you live, work, and relate to others.
Most people who reach out feel stuck. We keep working until you can move again and trust yourself to keep going.
If anxiety or stress is part of what you’re carrying, the Rest & Work tool explores a framework I come back to often in this kind of work.
For those who aren’t in crisis but want to grow in their relationships, faith, habits and inner life.
For help with habits and follow-through, see Resistance & Turning Pro.
Most sessions start with whatever is most pressing for you. Underneath, I use a few tools I’ve relied on in my own life and refined over years with clients.
For couples, the Levels of Differentiation gives us shared language for patterns that are hard to see from inside a relationship. The Reframe tool is where the “same side of the table” idea comes from: changing how you see a problem so you can work on it together.
I use the Learning Circle often with both couples and individuals. It’s a six-step process for turning an insight into a specific next step.
With individuals, we often start with the Belief Assessment, a set of statements based on Albert Ellis’s work that brings hidden assumptions about yourself and others to the surface.
You can find all of these in the Toolbox if you’d like to look before we meet.
I’ve spent 30 years working with couples, individuals, and families, and that experience shapes how I listen for where someone is stuck.
Most clients meet weekly or every other week. Each session picks up where the last one ended, so you don’t have to start over each time. Knowing someone will ask how the week went helps most people follow through.
As we keep meeting, I learn how you think and what tends to get in your way, and the work becomes more specific to you.
Coaching works best for people who are stuck but not in crisis. If you’re dealing with abuse, addiction, or a recent affair, or you don’t feel safe at home, coaching isn’t the right first step. Reach out anyway, and I’ll help you find the right person.
A free 15-minute Q&A by phone or Google Meet is an easy way to talk through what’s going on and see whether working together makes sense. You can come together or on your own.
